Rev. Bertram and his wife noticed more than a change in their eldest; they saw evidence of it in all of them. Never had they a more solemn, quiet week. No one was laughing; each daughter seemed absentminded.
Nothing eased Jasmine’s agitation. She walked out to the bluff where it had happened, but grew restless. She went to the pond but only paced back and forth. She found no inspiration in writing. She prayed but still felt anxious. She realized she could no longer be content with only his friendship and had to tell him of her true feelings. Her confession could endanger their relationship and scare him off. She had to risk it. As soon as she made up her mind, she gained a semblance of peace and began writing again.
She never realized that love could be painful. She knew what eros meant but considered it too sugary before. Her literary taste steered away from romance. Now she knew it had substance. This new world was heady like wine and erotic. Laurence embodied every fantasy and dream she ever had. It started with a seed of respect, and then blossomed into love. It made her feel weak: she had no defenses--he stripped all her armor away. Love was a choice, but she had none when it came to loving him. He could despise her, even hate her, and she would still love him. She had given him her heart whether he wanted it or not.
One evening during the week, Rev. Bertram spoke to his wife in his study.
“My dear, we may have to make room for four officers in the family.”
She smiled sadly, knowing how dangerous their chosen professions were: war and shipwreck made many widows. She did not want her daughters to join that fateful number. They were living in precarious times, Napoleon was gaining power and territory throughout Europe. With each new Coalition formed, Britain remained the main line of defense.
She would not stand in the way of her daughters’ choices. The heart made decisions the mind of pure logic would never do. She had only to look at her own happy marriage to know the heart was a better sovereign.
Her husband patted her hand lovingly as he looked into her eyes. He knew what she was thinking. With an earnest and tender smile, he said, “All we can do, my dear, is pray.”
A different group of men left for London than arrived in Bath two weeks before. Each man sat by the window, lost in his thoughts, counting the hours when he would be back in Lyme. Each man was falling in love and miserable at the same time. Until they knew their lady’s heart, they would be in doubt. They lived in confidence and self-assurance: doubt was like a cancer. The uncertainty of securing the women they loved worked to unravel other areas of their self-esteem. Each man’s ego was in different degrees of decay.
Laurence thought he understood true manhood, but it was only after falling in love that he saw with greater clarity. Love tied everything together. He did his duty because he loved his country, not because he loved doing his duty. He did not fight because he loved battles, but rather because he loved his fellow shipmates. Every good thing he did came from his ability to love. Had not the poets proclaimed that man was at his best when he was in love? He knew now that they had spoken truly.
It was not only femininity that mystified him, but the mystique of man and woman becoming one. He thought the physical aspect was the primary tie between male and female--now he knew there was so much more. He sensed an intellectual bond with Jasmine when their wits crossed. Often, when they were together, he felt the presence and peace of God. There was a kinship with her heart and soul from the beginning when he read what she had written that first day. If he never saw her again, he would still love her. The bond was eternal; it could not be broken.
He smiled at his thoughts--love was the strongest force in the world. He had dedicated himself to weapons and fighting, knowing that if he did it well, it would save his life. He spurned love as a weak thing--now he knew better. His lifestyle did not reveal strength; Rev. Bertram’s life was evidence of it. The boldest, riskiest thing in life was to love, and until Jasmine came into his life, he had been a coward. He had everything mixed up but love was shedding its light. He had been in hibernation: alive but not truly awake. He felt strong in his ability to love her, but weak in his manhood to win her heart. How could love make a man both strong and weak at the same time? It confounded him.
Laurence had an inbred modesty and never capitalized on his looks. He accepted it as part of his life as he did everything else. He lacked the confidence needed for assurance. He knew Jasmine respected him, even liked him, but that was as far as his heart could see into the matter. His attraction for her went beyond the physical--he loved her nature. He was unaware that the same thing could move Jasmine. He did not know his character had won her heart.
They arrived at his residence in a sorry state and headed for the parlor with gloomy looks. Even the head butler could not dispel the clouds with the prospect of cigars and sherry. How could three weeks alter men so drastically? Laurence had to do something to help his friends snap out of it.
“No one can live without hope for very long. I do not know how Jasmine feels about me. You may have the same frustration I have, but there must be some kind of solution. Think of all the things we have gone through together! We’ve been in worse scrapes than this.”
His friends stirred and began paying attention.
“What helped you endure three months away from her?” asked Bennett.
“I had to be near her, so I inquired concerning some property. After the purchase, it took time to organize and furnish. However, I am getting ahead of myself. The first thing that happened between us was the most important: we made a pact of friendship.”
“How is that possible? A man can’t be friends with a woman!” said Andrews emphatically.
“Six months ago, I would have agreed wholeheartedly with you. Neither of us knew if it was possible, but we were both willing to try. I stated our basis of friendship and she agreed upon it. I recall Rev. Bertram saying that respect and friendship was the way to win his daughter’s heart. Maybe it’s true for her sisters as well; their natures and principals are similar.”
He could see a ray of hope dawning on their faces. “When we get back, find time alone with them. Start with friendship and see where it will lead you. Maybe courtship does not begin with flowers and poetry, but with mutual respect and friendship. It may take longer but it is the right heading. Her father once said that friendship is the basis for good relationships.’ I believe he is right.”
By this time, the men were smiling. They felt as if a hundred pound weight had lifted off their backs. They could now properly attend to the cigars and sherry. They turned from somber to jovial and spent the rest of the time before supper catching up. They had been in splendid company, now they could fill in the blanks.
Nothing got the round of laughter more than Laurence recounting his tussle in the mud with Jasmine. Their encounters had been tame by comparison. He was selective in his disclosure; however, and chose not to inform them of his embarrassing defeat by her in the library. His ego still had welts from that match.
“I expected her father to inquire further into that tumbling part. Maybe he did not press the matter, to spare her complete humiliation, since winning was what counted,” said Bennett.
“I know he did not miss it. When Jasmine glanced down, I saw an unabashed look of compassion on his face. He is a master swordsman--I would not like crossing blades with him,” added Laurence.
“I don’t think it was the first time she has gotten muddy. From what Violet has told me of their childhood, Jasmine seemed particularly drawn to anything that spoiled her clothes,” Andrews smiled.
“I don’t envy you your burden,” joked Miles.
“Speaking of burden, lifting her in my arms is the current method in subduing, at least for now, anyway,” he said with a wink.
His friends looked at him as a sage of wisdom, but since they did not need to concern themselves with subduing at the moment, they stored the information away for future application.
“You’ve proven your mastery at the foil, dispatching Lord Tenny quite effectively, I might add,” said Bennett with admiration.
“Actually, I had nothing to do with it. Jasmine happened to find him a bore, thank goodness,” he said, under his breath.
“So far I would say you’ve had little competition…Dilbert, Danner, and now Tenny,” Andrews replied dryly.
Laurence sighed. “Fortune has smiled on me, but I do not know how long her favor will last. I watch in dread hoping Jasmine’s annoyance with them will continue. How do you read her? Maybe I have the book too close to my eyes.”
His friends looked at him thoughtfully. Finally, Andrews spoke up. “She did not seem indifferent when she pulled you away from Miss White. It looked like jealousy to me.”
“Do you really think so?” Laurence said brightening.
“How did you interpret her behavior?” asked Miles.
“She is a language all to herself. Every time I think I have translated accurately, I fail miserably.”
“You may have to take the initiative by declaring your love for her,” suggested Bennett.
“If it were any other woman than Jasmine, I would have done it by now. You do not know her nature. Marriage is a cage, and freedom, the air she breathes. I fear she will run if I get too close.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were describing yourself,” said Bennett seriously.
“Chris, we are so much alike it frightens me sometimes. It is like looking into a mirror of my own soul…I know what she would do because I know what I would do.”
“She disdains marriage?” asked Miles incredulous.
Laurence nodded his head; they looked at him dumbfounded. “She has only permitted me into her life because she does not see me as a suitor. I pose no threat to her. Do you comprehend what I risk if she finds out I have been pursuing her all this time?”
Andrews’s sensors picked up the irony. “So, the great huntress is being hunted but she does not know it! This is rich indeed! Make sure she has no bow and arrows, when you make your declaration, or it may be the shortest speech you ever give.”
“Rum luck, you should fall in love with such a lethal woman,” grinned Miles.
Laurence smiled bitter-sweetly. Though Andrews and Miles enjoyed the jest, Bennett looked at him compassionately. “Michael, just tell her. She deserves to know the truth. Find a way to do it--take the plunge off the edge.”
“I’m sure you are right, Chris, though I feel I am at the end of my courage. I’m afraid of losing her.” Laurence trembled at the thought of declaring his love for her. He would sooner encounter a ship full of cutthroats than face the rejection of his love from her.
During supper, they spoke of Rev. and Mrs. Bertram’s relationship.
“I remember the initial shock I felt when I first realized they were still in love with each other,” said Bennett.
“They impacted me the same way. Haven’t you observed how most couples seem bored with each other after a few years? It always produced an unsavory flavor to me. With such sad portraits of this divine union, I had no desire to add to that miserable group,” said Laurence.
“You are too generous with the length of time. Remember Davis joining us a month after he wed? He seemed a different man, having no confidence whatsoever. He was so disillusioned--a most pitiful thing to watch. He seemed relieved to leave her behind,” said Andrews.
“When I first met Rev. Bertram and his wife, I watched their relationship with disbelief. Their love and respect for each other had only grown over the years. That is when I realized it was possible to have friendship as the foundation for marriage. You have to like the person before you can love them,” Laurence said with admiration.
This had created a transformation in their thinking, a gravitational shift laying the groundwork for their own happiness.
Invariably, the subject turned toward the Bertram sisters. They were humble in their knowledge, never using it to put anyone down. They were brilliant, not boastful: intelligent, not intimidating. The men appreciated their abilities, but with Laurence, it went further and drew him like a magnet. He determined in his heart that if he had any daughters, he would raise them in the same manner that Rev. Bertram had raised his.
When Laurence retired for the evening, he considered everything Bennett had said to him. He surveyed the pros and cons. He knew he had to do something the next time he saw Jasmine. He would take the chance on the heaven of her acceptance, or the hell of her rejection, but he could no longer live in the purgatory of the last four months. After making up his mind, peace settled in and he fell instantly asleep.
Laurence met with Admiral Stowe on Tuesday morning and sought his help in finding a ship he could commandeer for a day trip.
“I will look in the registry for you. Is there a particular reason for securing it other than your itch to go to sea again?”
“It’s for Jasmine. I want to see this one longing of hers fulfilled.”
“So, Miss Bertram loves the sea, does she?” The admiral’s eyes twinkled at the thought.
“It is an easy enough wish to grant, if one has the connections,” Laurence said matter-of-factly.
“I find it hard to believe you would allow a woman aboard. You swore it would never happen while on your watch. I take my hat off to Miss Bertram. She does not know the miracle she has wrought.”
Laurence chuckled. He could not believe it himself.
“My wife and I might join you, if we may. I have a meeting this evening and one tomorrow, and then I shall be free unless something unforeseeable happens.”
The prospect delighted Laurence.
“We have talked of nothing else but the family and our desire to move to Lyme. Does that surprise you? You were not wholly unprepared for such a thing, were you?”
“I had suspicions.” Laurence smiled.
“There’s a personal reason apart from having a delight in the family…I went to services on Sunday and it was abysmal. I could hardly pay attention. I have a hunger to hear the truth in the manner Rev. Bertram communicates it. My wife is in total agreement. I know it is quite a distance from London but I would weather any inconvenience for this purpose.”
“I know of a handsome piece of property belonging to a Sir George Hamilton that may suit your purposes quite well. Until you find adequate lodgings, however, I entreat you to stay at my estate. Bennett, Andrews and Miles, as you may have already ascertained, are planning to settle there.”
“A worthy aspiration! I hope you may all win your ladies’ affections far sooner than I was able to win mine.”
After the meeting, Laurence went back to his residence to inform his friends of the good news. They were overjoyed to think the admiral and his wife would be living in Lyme. Bennett and Andrews made good fortunes in war, but had no wealthy uncle like Laurence. Though they could not live in opulence, yet neither were they poor. As gentlemen, they could offer their future wives a life of comfort.
“I envy you all,” Miles said with a sigh of frustration. “None of you have my constraints. I am only a lieutenant and it may take years before I make captain, if I ever do. I can only hope her parents will give their permission for our engagement. At least then, I would be able to correspond freely with her.
“That’s a lot of planning in your head. You are assuming Daisy will agree to it. You are both very young. Are you sure?” asked Bennett with concern.
“How could you doubt such a thing? They have a love for horses in common. With Daisy’s equine taste, how can they go wrong?” Andrews said in lighthearted banter.
Bennett was not so confident and cast a quick glance at Laurence who seemed lost in his thoughts.
The next day, Laurence received a message from the admiral. He was able to secure the Endeavor for their use. They were to leave on Friday and travel by coach to Plymouth, where the vessel awaited them. They would pick up the Bertram family in Weymouth and be in Portsmouth before sunset on Tuesday.
Admiral and Mrs. Stowe arrived early for supper and had a lively evening. As the gentlemen talked of their excursion, her interest grew. She had always been curious about her husband’s life at sea. Change would be a welcomed guest to her static lifestyle.
“What can you tell us of Sir George’s property?” asked the admiral.
“The house is quite large enough to suit your purposes, I believe. I am sure you will enjoy the location--it sits on a hill overlooking the sea. It also has the added benefit of being but half a mile from the vicarage,” said Laurence.
Mrs. Stowe listened with enchantment. She longed to live in a small village, and though she tolerated London, she had never loved it. Her lonely, isolated years were over. She felt bonded to Julia Bertram, and loved her family dearly. She saw the Reverend’s effect on her husband: he was a changed man. Though she looked at her husband with new eyes, she was blind to her own transformation.
Admiral Stowe could see it. His wife was happier than she had been in a long time and showing more affection than she had for many years. He was enjoying his married life as never before. He knew Mrs. Bertram was giving his wife good advice, because she was more teasing and playful with him. Their marriage was spicing up.
Laurence noticed the admiral and his wife’s unmistakable happiness and lifted his wineglass in silent praise to the Bertrams. They did not know the impact of their lives on people. Two weeks ago, the admiral and his wife appeared like any married couple their age--comfortable and complacent. Now, it seemed as if they had just discovered one another. Laurence watched their interaction and marveled at the sudden change. He saw admiration in Mrs. Stowe’s eyes when she looked at her husband. How quickly that transforms a man!
The Reverend and his wife led by example. Laurence had never understood the makings of a good marriage. He had no recipe for that relationship. He knew his parents loved each other but his mother had died too soon. He never saw his father in love; he only witnessed his mourning. His uncle only reinforced his habits of bachelorhood. Relationship with a woman was as otherworldly as walking on the moon to him. He could hardly converse with them, let alone relate to them. Rev. and Mrs. Bertram had been the first healthy marriage he could draw on. He was sensitive to any signal: whether by words, expressions, or deeds coming from their camp. They would be his standard. No one could argue with their success.
The long journey to Plymouth was uneventful. Laurence could not recall all the inns and stops along the way. The poetry of his surrounding did not touch his soul; only the prose of the Endeavor could reach him. When the coach finally stopped at their destination, Laurence was the first one out. He saw the ship anchored in the harbor, shinning out like a gem. She was built at Buckler’s Hard and was a beauty. She was denuded of her sails and her gun-ports were all shut and yet still his imagination painted her in full array against the French. All the sights, sounds and smells of battle pounded on his senses. To be captain of such a vessel was his cherished dream, but that was not to be. He would only have the privilege of boarding her for a few brief days.
“Laurence?” Bennett said softly next to him.
He startled. He had been lost in his thoughts.
“We have anchored at the inn,” Miles said, pointed in its direction.
“Admiral and Mrs. Stowe have already checked into their rooms. What say you to a glass of ale?” Andrews asked invitingly.
Laurence nodded and the men followed him into the tavern. They sat by the window and Laurence kept looking out at the harbor. After a while, the admiral joined them. “I spoke to the first lieutenant of the Endeavor. They will still be taking in provisions tomorrow. It will be rather busy for them but I think we can get a quick tour.”
“Who is the lieutenant? Is he anyone we know?” asked Laurence without taking his eyes off the Endeavor.
“Hodges, I believe. He’s the short stout fellow who had command of the sloop Arab.” Admiral Stowe replied.
Laurence scanned his memory. “I’ve heard of him but never met him.”
“He’ll be sailing her to Portsmouth where the captain will board with the rest of his officers.”
Everyone heard Laurence’s sigh.
“I can speak with him, if you would like to board her sooner,” Admiral Stowe commented.
“That won’t be necessary,” Laurence said as he stifled a yawn. “I’m rather tired. I’ll turn in now,” he said as he got up from the table.
His friend’s eyes followed him out of the room.
“Don’t worry,” the admiral reassured them, “I took particular care that he should have the best room overlooking the bay. He may gaze out at the Endeavor to his heart’s content.”
“All the same, I would not wait till noon tomorrow to board her,” suggested Bennett.
The next morning, Admiral Stowe watched Laurence attentively as he inspected the ship. They walked together past the row of cannons below deck. Everything looked shipshape. “Not quite like the Spartan, is she?” he remarked to him.
“No sir, but I have fond memories of my first seventy-four.”
“She did hold together when we needed her to,” the admiral smiled.
“It saddens me to think that she lies at the bottom of the sea.” Laurence said as he climbed the stairs to the top deck.
“Well, she was already marked for decommissioning. It’s a pity that her last captain could not spare her that fate,” the admiral remarked as Laurence’s friends joined them.
“Now her old bones litter the ocean floor.”
“Laurence is only sentimental when it comes to ships,” grinned Miles overhearing the last remark.
“I think his horizons are broadening,” winked Andrews. “I saw him fugitively glancing at a book of verse by a poet he would have avoided like a leper.”
“Who was the author?” whispered Miles to Andrews.
“I believe it was Burns,” he replied a little too loudly.
Miles clutched at his heart dramatically and quoted, “My love is like a red, red rose!”
Laurence colored in spite of himself and cast a frown at Miles who grinned at him unabashedly.
“Enough men! You will soon follow his course, I fear,” commented the admiral sagely.
Laurence walked over to the starboard side of the ship.
“You have the look of a sea captain who has been too long on leave,” said Admiral Stowe with a knowing glance.
“But there are ample compensations, sir. The attractions on land are very favorable at the moment,” Andrews said dryly.
Laurence chuckled. They were very favorable indeed.
After a short break at an inn, Laurence boarded the vessel from the quarter boat. Blowing whistles and the removal of hats signaled his command of the ship. The marines presented arms as he turned to the admiral in surprise.
“But sir, she is by rights yours to command!”
“We are on a pleasure cruise, not a mission. I shall not stand upon protocol. Take the ship out! That is my command,” he smiled.
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